HOW TO BABYSIT A BABY, A GUIDE FOR THE GUIDO
So your brother or sister or one of your 18 aunts reached out to you and wants to babysit. Why they asked you is a mystery, it’s probably the same reason the kid came to be in the first place, out of desperation. This is a very important job, this is an actual innocent baby so take it seriously. It’s not your part time job at Tony’s Tan Town, so don’t drink before you start.
This can be an intimidating task but don’t worry, it’s a baby, just be prepared. Prepared for what you might ask? Be prepared for crying, lots of crying. Hopefully the baby does well when mom or dad is not around, and some babies do. But others do not, and they cry, like your friend Teresa last night the Club. So be prepared to sooth the baby by holding it and trying to rock it calm again with one of their favorite baby blankets. Rock it gently, don’t dance with it, this might illicit feelings of getting your “freak on,” it is not the appropriate time or place for that, so fight the urge.
Feeding the baby helps also, but that will only work once and a while because unlike your uncles at Sunday dinner, the baby can’t be eating the entire time. Which brings me to my next issue to prepare for. “Spit up” and poop, two very fun words for a babysitter. Be prepared with lots of clean baby bibs. Make sure to put one on your shoulder when your holding the baby so you don’t get spit up on your new Ed Hardy or Affliction shirt. As far as diaper changing goes, I am sure you have some experience helping out a friend, or yourself after a particularly “wicked night.” But if not, have mom or dad show you before they leave for good measure.
So just remember to be calm and have fun. Buy them a gift before hand if your have the time. Hooded towels really appeal to the little guidie or guidet because the make the baby look “supa fresh.” Make sure to enjoy your one on time with your new cousin or niece because within a matter of years they will be only one out of the eventual 70 nieces and cousins you have, so cherish this time together. Talk to the baby, you may find the conversation more enlightening than ones you have had with your friends. Remember it’s your family, and nothing comes between family. Nothing. Seriously, nothing.
What are you lookin at?
